The Defensive End

I thought I would kick off the personal experience section of this blog with an experience that recently happened.  This experience is actually one of the reasons I decided to start this blog.  I will divulge the details shortly, but basically this experience has had so many learning experiences and relative issues to so many of the personal growth books I've read in the past, that I had to share.  I am going to share the details, although written metaphorically to protect the other person involved.   As you can probably tell from the title of this posting, the experience did not end how I would have preferred, but it was a blessing in disguise for certain!

In the South, where I’m from, football is a second religion. Down here you will find that we name our children after people in the Bible and football players! I know there is bound to be a Baby Tebow around here somewhere! One of the first things I realized from the argument with this person was that they were very defensive. I believe that defensiveness is human nature, but some people are overly sensitive to certain subjects or behaviors and end up lashing out.

So why does this bring football to mind. Well, there is a “defensive” line in football, but most pertinent to this issue, is the defensive end. The defensive end has two jobs, basically. If the play is a running play they are supposed to keep the running back from getting outside – in other words, contain him in the big mess of other players to slow him down and thwart his efforts of gaining yardage. If the play is a passing play, the defensive end’s task is to get to the quarterback quickly and disrupt the pass – typically by blocking the pass, slapping at the ball, or even going so far as tackling the quarterback. So, I thought this was a great representation of what recently transpired.

I will assume that I was the quarterback and offense in this disagreement. I can honestly say that I was passive with my friend in some areas, but I made a great effort to handle the matter assertively and that was the fly in the ointment. I’d like to think of the quarterback as an assertive position. Assertive people are direct and open with their intentions, much like a quarterback.

So there I was in a beautiful I-formation, first and goal, thinking I was destined for a touchdown with minimal impact. In the beginning of the play, she came on strong. She found a hole or weak spot in the “offensive line” of my statement to her that I would be “passing” on her advice. I was stunned by how quickly she moved! She came out of a 3-point stance and before I knew it she was slapping at the ball – telling me I didn’t know what I was talking about and neither did our Offensive Coordinator or Quarterback Coach. I didn’t fumble, but I didn’t connect with the receiver either. I had to reconfigure the play and came back to the line of scrimmage with a different formation.

For the second attempt, I tried to explain that I thought she misunderstood what I was saying and explained the credentials of my coordinator and coach. This time she bull-rushed me. I felt the heat in the pocket and reverted back to my passive behavior and threw the ball away thinking this play wasn’t going anywhere, but I wanted to maintain possession of the ball.

The third attempt, I decided to go third and goal, but she blocked the pass. The ball was loose! Chaos ensued as both sides are tried to gain or regain possession of the ball. It was a proverbial dogpile! Tempers flared, emotions erupted, unsportsmanlike conduct and “Your Mommas” ensued (just kidding, but it did get kind of childish)!

So I felt that I had no choice to relinquish my duty and dignity and start kicking! That’s right, time for Special Teams! Basically, this was the worst thing I could of done because my place kicker got tackled by the defensive end! She attacked my decision as a parent and told me what I was doing was bad for my baby and wrong. Flag on the play…personal foul! I felt at that point I had no choice but to end the ballgame.

After taking some time to cool off I decided to do the right thing and shake hands with the defensive end.  I apologized for bringing in the Special Teams and she apologized for tackling my place kicker and unsportsmanlike conduct.  Then I asked her why it was that we couldn't just play a nice clean game, because we have had trouble with that in the past.  She explained that she always thought we had played a clean game but that I brought the heat in the friendship a few times.  I explained that my reaction to her was completely appropriate.  I explained that I felt we could be friends and have a nice clean game in the future, but it would take some compromising.  I haven't heard from the Defensive End since.  

I truly believe that the outcome of this experience was for the best!  It was chalk full of learning experiences, but I hate that the friendship had a defensive end!